“Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.”

Bullshit. Words hurt. Whoever believes in the title phrase obviously hasn’t experienced any inflicting form of name-calling or bullying. When I was about 8 or 9, some of the neighborhood girls…who were supposed to be my friends at some point in time…taunted me through their little window screen with an endless chanting of “ugly, ugly, uglyyyyy!” Oh, and they cocked their heads from side to side in rhythm throughout the petty ensemble. THAT was entertaining…*insert sarcastic tone*

Fast forward to today and I’m truly thankful that any sort of bullying has ceased in my life. However, I’ve noticed something else that has made me uneasy and conflicted. Time after time, members of my peers never fail to surprise me with their careless vocabulary. Specifically speaking, I am talking about the colloquial usage of terms such as “gay” and “retarded” (among others). I’m sure that the majority of us have been exposed and/or have even used these words before. I know I’m guilty. But in the last several years, I’ve come to understand the hurtful message that these words send. And I’ve made it an effort to cut them out of my daily speech. Perhaps it’s because I attend DePaul, which has a large homosexual population, and maybe because our nation has been witnessing a huge gay-rights movement for the past years…but I have actually heard less of phrases like “that’s so gay” in college. You would think that when people take note to stop saying “gay” in their casual conversations, they’d have the common sense and courtesy to eliminate other like terms from their everyday language. Very unfortunately, this has not been the case. I can’t even begin to explain how appalled I get every time a friend, acquaintance, or a random person uses a phrase like “that’s retarded”. And these are people of collegiate status! In that moment, I instantly feel a mixture of emotions. Let me just list them once and for all: alarm, shock, tension, disgust, disappointment, sadness, anger…just to name a few. On many occasions, I’ve thought about voicing my disapproval to the individual that had just used “retarded” in his/her seemingly casual conversation. But I’ve never actually said anything because I realize that it would result in a complete change of tone in the discussion, in which that certain individual may then feel victimized by my sudden seriousness. And so, in that moment I control myself to suppress my upset feelings and attempt to brush off what was said. To be honest though, the minute someone uses that phrase (or a similar one) I automatically lose a level of respect for that person. And that’s not something that I can control, whether I’d like to or not. Often times, I know that the friend, acquaintance, or random person probably didn’t mean at all what was said. To him/her, using “retarded” was most likely a mere form of expression. But…that doesn’t make it okay. Not one bit.

My one and only sister was born on a cold February day in 1997. Her arrival to the world did not go as planned and there was definite struggle in her birth. When she was born I was the happiest big sister ever, especially because I had wanted a little sister over a little brother. Sally was diagnosed at birth with Down syndrome. At the time, I didn’t quite comprehend what that meant. Much later, I learned that individuals with Down’s would have to endure a lifelong battle with, in the ugliest way of putting it, mental retardation. To me, Sally will always be my beloved little sister who just so happens to have Down syndrome. I love her for who she is and I wouldn’t want her to be any other way.

The etymology of the term “retardation” dates back to the early 15th century. There are numerous negative connotations associated with it. Over the years, various groups and organizations have opted for more acceptable communication methods. Instead of saying “retarded”, many now say “special”, “challenged”, or “developmentally delayed”. “Retardation” signifies a disability, but “delay” concludes that the individual is on the way to reaching his/her full potential. So if collective institutions are changing their behavior for the better, why are general PEOPLE still using the overdue word?

Another word that has slowly crept its way into regular conversations is “rape”. Just like with the previous case, I was stunned when I heard people using “rape” in normal talk (i.e. “I’m raping your Facebook wall”). Because I personally know people that are survivors of sexual abuse and sexual assaults, I find it very offensive when others can easily go about their days throwing a sensitive word here and another one there in their conversations.

At this point, I am compelled to mention that I am not targeting any specific individuals in this post. I AM, however, targeting the behavior. There is much that can be blamed for this; society, surroundings, the environment, the way someone was raised, lack of awareness, and even me (because of my halt in addressing these issues with the individuals that have practiced this behavior, I am..in a sense..perpetuating this cycle of inappropriateness <– something I must find a way to change). But at the end of the day, the blame and responsibility will fall on the individual that has colloquially used “gay”, “retarded”, “raped”, etc. The problem is this: you wouldn’t use “gay” in front of a homosexual person, you wouldn’t use “retarded” in front of a developmentally delayed person, and you wouldn’t use “raped” in front of a sexual abuse survivor…..so why would you use those words in front of anyone else? It’s extremely important for people to understand that the usage of these terms are a direct form of oppression to society as whole because you never know someone’s full life story.

People have to be mindful and intentional in their choice of words — what you’re saying and the way you’re saying it.